Carbs, Curves and God Damn Cellulite!! Nothing is ever just straight forward right? You can’t have those nice rounded hips that flow into a big booty and chunky thighs without having that unappealing cellulite. You can’t even enjoy the bloody carbs without thinking about the cellulite. I don’t think there’s a lady out there that doesn’t hear me and if you don’t understand me believe me you will, just give it time. It’s like waiting on a train to come in and its coming…
I never quite got it, I didn’t really understand when girls couldn’t wear that short little dress on a Saturday night or even the tiny gym shorts because they stressed, not about their weight or the readings when they measure body fat with a fat caliper but about that godforsaken cellulite. What a nasty little word it seemed to be and I was blessed it didn’t mean anything to me. I’d hear the girls bitch and moan about their arms and even their bellies but it just went over my head. I wasn’t part of that group. I was a lucky one.
Exercise saved my ass so many times. I guess sometimes you get rewarded for being fit, for lifting those stupid weights and pounding that road, even for not chugging the pints when it’s all you wanted, never mind saying no to the chocolate! But nothing lasts forever right? You even get bored of exercise at some point and you have to find a new therapy. But you see that’s where the problem starts. You give up one cruel obsession (everyone knows exercise is the devil) well then you just have to welcome another.
Never in my life did I think exercise was to thank for my lack of cellulite but it is. I took a back seat on the whole getting fit things for a few weeks, I let myself slide, and maybe I gave myself a little break and gained a little extra body fat when i tested it using a fat caliper. Well Mother Nature clearly decided I didn’t deserve that when she covered my thick thighs in cellulite! It’s safe to say I was fast to embrace the thought of getting fit again. I was ready to fight back, to rid the extra pounds and take my body back; no more frustrating, unattractive, annoying dimples.
Fat!! How does that word sit with you? Not so well with me, it’s like the enemy and let me tell you that’s exactly what we are fighting here. Cellulite is just fat under the skin and losing weight can help curb ball that nasty bitch so you can parade in those colourful gym stringers loud and proud. But before you put your running shoes on and take to all extremes of out-exercising this biatch let me fill you in on one more issue… DIET- another unpleasant word right? Well a bad diet is fuelling this stupid cellulite. As if our problems couldn’t get any worse! Oh and if like me you occasionally like to participate in fad diets well yeah you guessed right, that’s another friend of cellulites. Dehydration being another so stop hating the water, get chugging.
Have no fear I didn’t just come to ruin your day and have a little rant although I do enjoy it. I have a few solutions or so I think. I could sit here and say try this cream or maybe even some liposuction but we all know I’m not the girl who buys into that crap right? We all know I like the hard route and the right route. So if you’re not up for helping yourself back your ass right off this page now.
Like I said cellulite didn’t exist in my world when I was fit and healthy right? So there’s no surprise when I tell you strength training should be your new best friend, let’s pretend we love the gym 365. Fight the fat with some heavy ass squats, don’t forget to hold it tight when you deadlift, throw in some cardio for good measure and I promise you’ll see that nasty cottage cheese looking cellulite disappear. Anyway every woman should be weight training in this day and age, remember we want Dana Linn Bailey’s not Miley Cyrus’s.
But wait wait, it’s not that simple, you have to eat good too. Grab your vegetables, fruits and fibre and take your life back. Combine your forces- do your training, eat your veggies, stay hydrated and drop a few pounds. Simple as that. Unfortunately, I don’t have a magic potion for you or five different shakes to drink, no coloured teas or even body wraps, this is real life! We don’t buy into the gimmicks around here. But follow what I tell you and you will be rewarded with the things that do matter and that don’t like like when you measure body fat using a fat caliper.